Filed under: Me

Well today as you can very well see, I’ve had my daily injection of caffeine. That always helps in the “outgoing” department. This morning I wasn’t too awake though when Malinda met me at Curves to work out. I didn’t get coffee until I came home.

I wrote another entry in my paper journal. This time I wrote about my friend Andrea and all the experiences the three of us girls had together. Yesterday I was missing her a lot and pondered upon our walks at the mall. I kept questioning that if Malinda and I were to go walk there, would we feel sad and depressed the entire time? Would we be expecting her to be there waiting for us, at her usual spot? I miss those walks. I miss getting coffee afterward at Borders. Dammit I miss us. But it can’t be. Not for a very long time, so I have to stick my chin out and deal with it.
Writing in my paper journal is good therapy. I recommend everyone try it at least once. Even if its a spiral notebook you find at the 99 cent store. I remember more when I’m writing, than I do when I’m typing. I also can recall more detail.

I’d like that journal to be something handed down when I’m gone. I want Leilani and Forrest to know about their mother’s weird and interesting life. It definitely has been a wild ride so far. Not to be vain or anything, but my life would make a great read, possibly even a movie. Ok, maybe just a Lifetime special.

What important points can I define, to show everyone that yes, my life is indeed not boring. Uhm. My mom was a nurse in the Army for 21 years. Both my parents went to Vietnam. We had a fire and lost everything. My dad is abusive. My father tried to kill my brother. My brother tried to kill us. My father tried to kill my mother. I was hit by a car and lived. I’ve sung in front of thousands of people. A friend and I were rescued by lifeguards in Hawaii when during a hurricane we went to the beach and lay on floating devices and drifted very far away. I’m bisexual. Have tattoos. Piercings. I’ve been to so many elementary schools that I can’t even remember them all (which really sucks, when telling your children about your life in a paper journal). I’ve been to California for a national talent show. I’ve lived in Hawaii and Alaska.

Thats more than enough to prove, I’m not your average Jill.
Well. The sun is finally coming out. Hey nice to see you asshole! Why did you leave!? I really hate it when its dreary out. It gives me those depressed feelings. Now is definitely not the time for Mr. Sun to leave, since its TOM. I’m usually a ravenous pig, my house starts to resemble a cobweb because I don’t want to do anything, and I don’t speak to anyone on the phone if I can help it. Hopefully no one calls.

Though I have to write that yesterday my father called. He was filling out his Permanent Fund Dividend and needed a witness. Though to put a witness down I thought a signature was needed. So he calls and in a monotone voice asks me what my social security number is. Then asks for Matthews, which I didn’t give him. Then asks how is your brother Joey? Then asks how is your mom? I don’t know. I don’t know. That was it. Talk to you later. Bye. It felt like I wasn’t even there. Mary doesn’t exist anymore because childish daddy doesn’t want to play that game. He’s playing a new one and I have no idea how the rules go.
Its ok. I’m doing fine. I guess I’m getting used to it now.