Filed under: Depressing, Friends

Well I just typed a bunch of crap and erased it because it sounded so angry.

This entry is about Erin.

For months I have mourned the loss of her friendship. And tonight I spoke with her ex and he told me that she was right in not forgiving me for being absent at her mom’s memorial service. Him saying that drove the knife a little deeper into my heart.

Erin stopped talking to me, emailing me, calling me, seeing me after that day. Like I didn’t exist.

I have no closure. I keep seeking her out, trying to gain some perspective on this.

In August it will be a year. Its already been 9 months since I last spoke with her.

You know what? I really don’t know why I’m writing this. I guess I needed to get it off my chest.

Its a struggle to make anyone understand my reasoning. I was crying tonight and tried not to make any sound so Matt wouldn’t notice. But, he did and he asked me about it. I told him it was nothing, but then he made me talk and once he knew he rolled his eyes and acted like I was an idiot.

And maybe I am… but..

I was raised by a very loving, forgiving mom and that all rubbed off on me. So if I’m hurting when someone no longer wants to be a part of my life, I’m sorry. That is who I am. I’m just too sensitive for this world I guess.

For anyone reading this probably seems like a trivial thing…its just life.

But for me, its much bigger than that. Erin was a huge chunk of my life. And now she is gone. And for me…its becoming a struggle to get over her…

Tags:Friends, friendship

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