Filed under: Family,My Business

It has been forever since I last wrote! So much has happened.

My leg has been healing well. I can do everything I did before I broke it, but I cannot do anything too strenuous. I cannot walk in heels (my dance shoes) and I still cannot bend my leg all the way down, but it is an improvement from where I began months ago. The area where my scar is feels numb to the touch, but I try to avoid it. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it’s ok. For the most part I need Tylenol if I do too much.

The Mayor’s Marathon is coming up in June and I really want to do it. I would only be doing the 1/2 marathon and I would be walking, but again it is 13 or so miles. I’m not sure my leg is up for it. I have an appointment in May with my orthopedic surgeon and I will ask him what he thinks then. Hopefully it will be my last appointment. He has drained us of so much money.

On a side note – or how should I say this, Soapbox note – I don’t have much faith in doctors anymore. They drain you of your money and you end up still feeling like shit.

My pole dance business is starting to become popular. Thanks to my past Brown Bag clientele, my dear friends and Twitter. I just had a party last weekend and have another booked this Friday. I have two more for April & May. My goal is to get at least 2 to 3 parties booked a week, but I need to work harder.

I’m back to being a beginner pole dancer. I lost so much strength in my core while I was laying about with my injury. The crutches may have helped my arm strength but left me with little muscle in my legs. So I’m building it up again and thanks to Pilates, it is becoming a lot easier. I want to get into intermediate moves, but that is a ways off still. Today I tried doing “pole sits” and that hurt! I’m going to have some nasty looking bruises on my inner thighs this week. But it is all worth it.

Family life is ok. My kids are growing up so fast. Leilani will be 12 next month and Lauralei will be turning 3. I don’t feel like I am old enough to have a 12 year old already. I don’t feel my age at all. Is that so wrong? Aren’t we supposed to feel old? I dont’ think 32 is old actually. I still feel like I’m in my 20′s. Maybe it’s all the exercise I do. My body doesn’t agree with me a lot of the time, but in my mind, I am NOT old.

I’m not sure whether I am going to stay married. I was young and stupid and totally in love way back when, but things have changed so much in these past 10 years. You wake up one morning and realize you don’t know who this person really is…they are a decent father, but as a husband?

It just seems like I put more work into it than I should have. I feel like I wasted these last 13 years being used as a housekeeper and nanny. Sure, he loves me…but I don’t have the same feelings for him I did years ago. People change.

Life changes you.

I have changed.

I like the person I am now so much better. I know my likes and dislikes, I know what I want in my future, I know what my beliefs are, what my political beliefs are… I have become my own person. And I feel like now that I have, I don’t need him anymore. Aren’t you supposed to grow with the person you are with? Instead of growing together, we have grown apart. Of course, there is much more to our situation than this. Stuff I can’t even discuss here, but that is a story for another day. Maybe a story that shall never be written.

Filed under: Me,My Business

I’m walking!!!!!

I started last week Tuesday, after my appointment. The doctor said my x-rays looked good and to begin full weight bearing. So as soon as he said that, I did! I went into a cleaning frenzy the next couple of days and did a LOT of work, then ended up having to rest because my leg didn’t like it. I graduated to a cane, so I look and sometimes feel like a much older person. Crutches at least give off the idea that something was recently broken.

My Achilles is tightly wound. Well it feels like it is anyway.The mobility in my entire ankle is bad, so I have a pronounced limp. I do exercises for it about 3 days a week like the doctor told me. I hope I can get mobility back on my own because I know physical therapy will cost more money we don’t have.

There is still pain at times and the swelling comes and goes, but I’m getting better!

Because things are improving I have to start thinking about the business again. I had a nice little break for a while but it’s time to get serious again. Plans are to reschedule my Open House in October and leave Brown Bag then. I have the vinyl for my car. Now I just need to draw up a waiver (found out I can do it without needing a lawyer), get a business license and find out about liability insurance. And, I need to get back to dancing!

For now I will end this entry with: Five things that made having a broken leg, not so bad.

1) I gained a wonderful amount of upper body strength from using the crutches and hauling myself around.
2) People are a lot nicer to you and you get waited on.
3) The realization that my break and my life isn’t that bad. I have all of my limbs and eventually my leg will work right. Having limited mobility opened my eyes about the disabled. I saw things from their perspective and realized how awful it was not being able to do things for myself.
4) Very cool x-rays that I get to keep forever.
5) Watched lots of cool movies through Netflix and On Demand. Alone. What’s better than that?

Filed under: Family,Me,My Business,Rants

I am 5 days now Post-Op. I had surgery on my leg Monday because it was my only option. I was scared (mostly about Anesthesia) but I made it through ok

My leg and foot are feeling a lot better than they were. It still swells when I put it down or have to get up, but for the most part, it’s progressing. I took a lot of Percocet the first few days. Now I’m down to one. I don’t like the side effects. Makes me wonder why anyone would want to take these on purpose. They take away the pain but I certainly don’t have a euphoric high.

Next Monday I get to see the doctor again. He’ll probably take my stitches out if the wound looks good. I may be getting a cast too. Hopefully whatever happens is for the best. I’m tired of all this bad luck.

Speaking of, our oven died. The stove works, but the oven doesn’t cook food well. And we just bought it last year. We didn’t fill out the registration or warranty forms. Bad idea. Yeah, don’t ever do that.

I’ve been working on my MySpace page and I think it looks nice. I need to get an avatar up. I want one of my Barbie on the pole business card holder I own, but haven’t had a chance to take a picture. That is another thing I’ve been slacking on. Pictures. I have so many from the beginning of the year to now, just sitting in my cameras. I need to update my Flickr.

It sucks not being able to do anything. I miss cleaning and I miss cooking. I miss being able to tuck my baby girl into bed and sing her good night. I miss helping out with the kids.

Matt has a short fuse and yells a lot. This angers me because yeah, I yell some, but not like that. He needs to have more patience with them. I’ve told him this a few times and he says he knows, but he doesn’t understand. I swear I married my father. Great job Mary.

So the marriage is rocky, we are way in over our head with bills, I’m handicapped, the oven is broke, my business is postponed until I heal, Leilani needs braces, the kids need clothes and school supplies, yadda yadda yadda.

I’m really hoping a bit of luck runs our way soon. Thinking about our run of bad, exhausts me.

Filed under: Dieting,Kids,Me,My Business

I’m sorry little blog. I forgot you were here!

I have so much to talk about too.

Hrm…how to begin?

Let’s start with my job.

I love it!!! I have at least 3 pole parties a month. My goal is to get 5, but most of the time it doesn’t work out that way. Something always comes up and the Hostess has to cancel with me. It’s upsetting. I think a lot of people don’t understand that this IS my job. The money I earn is MY spending money. Most of the time I use it to buy marketing materials or something for the house or kids, so when I have enough left over to spend on myself its a real treat.

The “romance” part of the company is ok. At first it was great but lately its been a thorn in my side. The company only has Fed Ex 2-day shipping for Alaska. So if I order more catalogs or demos, I have to eat the shipping. I hate it and as of late have been contemplating leaving the company to pursue my own pole party business. I’m going to give myself a little time to think about it more though.

Mother Nature has been very generous to us with the weather this summer. It has been beautiful out and WARM! The kids play outside almost every day. I was hoping we would do some fun family things this year, but Matt hasn’t been keen on any of my ideas. I may just kidnap the kids and take them to Seward with me one day before school starts. Life is for living. Not sitting around doing nothing!

Lauralei is 2 now and Leilani is 11. Forrest will be 9 in October. I can’t believe I have an 11 year old! I put her birthday on my 2010 calendar because I had to write down a dentist appointment they have in January. Writing the number 12 felt very awkward. I stared at my handwriting and then realized 12 means she’ll practically be a teenager! Luckily Leilani shows no sign of angst yet and she still showers me with kisses and hugs…so maybe she’ll be one of those teenagers that still loves her parents. Or maybe she just isn’t “there” yet.

Lauralei is just, well…she behaves like a 5 year old. In everything she does. She has been speaking eloquently since she was 1 1/2. She uses big words now. She understands EVERYTHING. I’m beginning to think we have a prodigy on our hands. Leilani and Forrest never showed this potential at age 2. I wonder what she is going to be like when she is older. Maybe I should be scared.

Forrest has been having some difficulty this summer. I’m itching to get him back into school, because I think structure helps him cope better. I don’t have much structure around here during the summer. Last summer I made the kids do workbooks, but this summer I’ve been lazy. Luckily he’s made a few new friends and is being more sociable. Seeing him outside interacting with the boys makes this mama very happy.

So, besides trying to make my business successful, taking care of my family and house, and learning new pole moves, I am also trying to lose tons of weight. I joined a Weight Loss support group and 2 of my friends from the mom’s group are in it. I’ve lost 10 lbs and several inches. There is a reward at the end, but I’m not too concerned with it at this point.

I’ve started walking more and just recently began running the track. I’ve only made it around 3 times, but for a 220 pound girl, that is an accomplishment! Well, in my eyes anyway. I’m going to aim for 4 next week, which I believe is a mile.

Most of the girls in the weight loss group have signed up for a half-marathon with me. We are doing it in August. It seems far away, but its not. I am trying to “train” myself to walk farther distances. I think the running will help too. I’ve made it around the track 9 times with a combination of running and walking. During the rest of the week I pole and lift weights. I’m ready to get back into being fit.

I was sort of fit for a while in Florida (and an inch away from a pair of size 14 jeans! ugh!) and I want to strive for that again. But I also want to lose the rest of this weight and be thin for once in my life. There was ONE moment in my life when I was truly thin. I was 14 and a size 12. Almost an 11.

I looked beautiful and I felt beautiful. I want to feel like that again.