Filed under: Family, Me, Rants

I had to write this down SOMEWHERE because I am really pissed off. I thought about Facebook, but there is too many in-laws and family members not my own that read it, that would get angry.

My family has allergies. I’m pretty sure that in some of my many entries I have stated this fact. So if you are a reader who has stuck by me from the beginning, you know this.

Matthew has had Asthma since he was a kid. Supposedly his parents also had a cat when he was little and it made him very ill. I have had Asthma since I was a toddler. Back then it was mostly controlled by a heavy dosage of meds. My parents weren’t very responsible and bought animal after animal, EVEN AFTER learning that I was allergic to animal dander. These days my allergies to them are much more severe, but my Asthma is better and controlled by exercise and not much else (I do use my inhaler occasionally, but it’s mostly when I’ve been around animals or cold weather).

When Leilani was a toddler we noticed she would get sick whenever around animals. Then in Florida she developed a cough that later we found out was Asthma. Her’s is mild, but can get worse when around allergens and cold weather.

Forrest has some form of an animal allergy. We aren’t sure if it’s all animals, but he is definitely allergic to dogs. It seems his DNA decided to go another direction and gave him Autism instead of Asthma.

Lauralei was breastfed for 14 months. I tried my damnedest to make sure she didn’t develop Asthma and I am so angry that it didn’t turn out that way. She is the sickest child of the three of them. Always developing colds. Every time she gets a cold she gets extremely sick and has to use the Nebulizer for a week. Regular Asthma drugs like Albuterol do nothing, so she needs it combined with a steroid inside the Nebulizer. She has been sick so many times this year I have lost count. When she is around ANY animal dander she gets a cold, which in turn develops into her respiratory infection.

Matt’s family doesn’t seem to understand. We have gone to many of their family events through the years and most of us come away feeling awful. Wheezing for days (sometimes more than a week for Lauralei and I) and feeling like someone has squeezed our lungs with a vise. It isn’t fun to feel that way for a long time.

So just recently I have decided to forgo every single event in the future at his dad’s house (his dad owned a dog for years and the dander is EVERYWHERE even though the animal is gone) and possibly only go to his Granny’s twice a year. His grandma doesn’t own pets, but most all of his family members do.

Can you believe it only takes a little bit of dander on someone’s clothing to make us sick? You probably don’t, because you don’t have Asthma or allergies to animal dander.

It’s not fair to live like this and make the kid’s lives miserable by not letting them go to friend’s houses that have pets, but it’s life. It’s our life. And I know I may sound like an overbearing parent, but I want my kids to be able to breathe well and not feel terrible.

Matt’s dad invited us over for dinner at his house this Sunday. The last time we went, Lauralei got very sick. It took me a week to recover. He has been putting new flooring down and the dog is gone. But his father doesn’t clean. The house is always dirty. I can guarantee there is dander lying around. So we aren’t going. It upsets Matt a little and I understand where he is coming from. It’s his family…but this is MY family and I need to protect them. So I am finally taking responsibility for their health.

So if his family doesn’t like it, then they can all just kiss my ass. I am literally SICK and tired of their ignorance.

Filed under: Family, Me, My Business, Rants

I am 5 days now Post-Op. I had surgery on my leg Monday because it was my only option. I was scared (mostly about Anesthesia) but I made it through ok

My leg and foot are feeling a lot better than they were. It still swells when I put it down or have to get up, but for the most part, it’s progressing. I took a lot of Percocet the first few days. Now I’m down to one. I don’t like the side effects. Makes me wonder why anyone would want to take these on purpose. They take away the pain but I certainly don’t have a euphoric high.

Next Monday I get to see the doctor again. He’ll probably take my stitches out if the wound looks good. I may be getting a cast too. Hopefully whatever happens is for the best. I’m tired of all this bad luck.

Speaking of, our oven died. The stove works, but the oven doesn’t cook food well. And we just bought it last year. We didn’t fill out the registration or warranty forms. Bad idea. Yeah, don’t ever do that.

I’ve been working on my MySpace page and I think it looks nice. I need to get an avatar up. I want one of my Barbie on the pole business card holder I own, but haven’t had a chance to take a picture. That is another thing I’ve been slacking on. Pictures. I have so many from the beginning of the year to now, just sitting in my cameras. I need to update my Flickr.

It sucks not being able to do anything. I miss cleaning and I miss cooking. I miss being able to tuck my baby girl into bed and sing her good night. I miss helping out with the kids.

Matt has a short fuse and yells a lot. This angers me because yeah, I yell some, but not like that. He needs to have more patience with them. I’ve told him this a few times and he says he knows, but he doesn’t understand. I swear I married my father. Great job Mary.

So the marriage is rocky, we are way in over our head with bills, I’m handicapped, the oven is broke, my business is postponed until I heal, Leilani needs braces, the kids need clothes and school supplies, yadda yadda yadda.

I’m really hoping a bit of luck runs our way soon. Thinking about our run of bad, exhausts me.

Filed under: Me, Rants

Well dear blog. It looks like you and me are going to be close buddies for a while.

I went and fell down the stairs again. This time I didn’t walk away with a screwed up tailbone. No, I actually broke a bone in my left leg. I am so talented!

I was walking down the stairs towards the front door and Leilani and her purse were sitting there. My foot went into her purse’s handle and I tried kicking it off while walking (don’t ever do what I did). Well instead of catching the next step with my foot, I sorta flew forward and onto the landing, missing those last 2 steps entirely. I landed right on my stomach which in turn knocked the wind out of me. My left AND right leg were crumpled underneath me. I felt something in my left leg snap and the pain was enormous. At that point I either went into shock or I was fainting, because the world was going bye bye. Matt was there at my side immediately and freaking out. Told me to stay with him and yadda yadda yadda.

I needed water so I asked for it and they brought me a water bottle. I drank and breathed and tried to stay afloat in the world. I was scared that I was dying, which now is silly, but when you go through something like that you aren’t thinking rationally. It took me 15 minutes to come back into reality. Thats when I knew I couldnt get up. So Matt helped me hobble over to the couch and that’s where I laid for an hour until we went to the Emergency Room with all 3 kids in tow.

I had x-rays and was told I’d be getting a half-cast because my Fibula looked broken. They said next week (which is this week now) I should call the Orthopedic Surgery whose name they would give me, and schedule an appointment for a more permanent solution.

So today is Monday and its been a hell of a weekend.

I wish I had lost tons of weight before I broke my leg. Because hauling 220 pounds of fat and muscle around is extremely taxing.

I’m too afraid to try hopping up and down the stairs with my crutches because I’ve already fallen once. And that HURT. I had to put weight on my left leg in order to not fall completely over and I felt something move around. Eek!

To go up the stairs I haul my ass up, each step. It takes me 10 to 13 minutes. Maybe more. To go down the stairs I slide down. That goes a lot faster. Yesterday I went downstairs so I could hang out with the family until Matt left for work. It was great until I had to come back. So I vowed last night that I would stay right where I am for the rest of the day. In bed. Even though it hurts my tailbone so much.

I’ve put Leilani and Forrest to work a lot. They are pretty good about it but do get tired of doing everything. Yesterday Matt had to work but he didn’t want to leave me alone. I tried calling some friends over, but they were too busy. Have lives of their own and problems of their own and I understand that.

I was worried that he’d have to come home because it was getting tough with Lauralei escaping every second out of the living room, but we made it to 7 and he got home. Sundays he earns overtime. And goodness knows we need all the money we can get right now because of the huge hospitals bills we’ll be getting. I don’t have insurance. So all of this REALLY sucks right now.

I’ve been complaining a lot and I shouldn’t. I need to just suck it up and be thankful that I will still be able to walk when this is over. I still have both legs. My right leg is ok, which is my most needed leg. And nothing else is broken.

I’m just sad I guess. Its hard NOT to be sad when you are stuck in a bed or on a couch all day long and you can’t do anything, except get up and go to the bathroom. I can’t cook meals for the kids or take care of them and I can’t clean my house. I can’t do my Pole Dancing job. I can’t practice for the half-marathon I was going to do in August. So yeah, I’m sad right now. But I’ll get over it in due time. I think things will be a lot better after I get whatever I’m going to get from this Orthopedic doc and he tells me just how long its going to be until I can get it off. I was losing weight and everything and this is a HUGE setback. But I am going to try my hardest to continue to eat right.

And hopefully we don’t have to file for bankruptcy. I’m scared that this injury is going to cost us all that we have. I don’t believe in anything, but it would be nice if some tiny miracle could occur right now.

Filed under: My Business, Rants

February was a whirlwind of activity! I had 5 parties! One practically every week. I have my 6th party next weekend. Luckily two people booked from my last party but those aren’t until April, so I am crossing my fingers I get more soon.

Matt set me up with my own checking account and I have a credit/debit card. I love it because it’s making me more accountable for my spending. Normally if I were to buy something I’d swipe a random credit card in my wallet (we have way too many) and never worry about where the money came from or how much I spent. But now that I know exactly how much I have in my account, I’m more cautious.

I feel so independent now!

Last week I signed up a new recruit. So now I can say I have a “downline”! If she becomes active this month (by having a party), I will move up to Bronze!!! I am really excited about that, so I’m trying to help her with whatever she needs. I can’t believe I’ve moved along so fast! My upline just moved up to Bronze and she has been doing Brown Bag for a year!

Yesterday Forrest and I finally had some together time. I bought him a hot chocolate, a book at Barnes & Noble he’d been wanting, and a flannel sheets set at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I can’t explain how nice it feels to be able to buy whatever I want for the kids and NOT feel guilty later for buying it. Matt did try to stop me by giving me a lecture on how the kids didn’t need new sheets and that I should buy them at Walmart because they would be cheaper (and crappier quality duh).

Next time I’m not going to tell him my plans. It’s my money and I earned it.