My family has allergies. I’m pretty sure that in some of my many entries I have stated this fact. So if you are a reader who has stuck by me from the beginning, you know this.

Matthew has had Asthma since he was a kid. Supposedly his parents also had a cat when he was little and it made him very ill. I have had Asthma since I was a toddler. Back then it was mostly controlled by a heavy dosage of meds. My parents weren’t very responsible and bought animal after animal, EVEN AFTER learning that I was allergic to animal dander. These days my allergies to them are much more severe, but my Asthma is better and controlled by exercise and not much else (I do use my inhaler occasionally, but it’s mostly when I’ve been around animals or cold weather).

When Leilani was a toddler we noticed she would get sick whenever around animals. Then in Florida she developed a cough that later we found out was Asthma. Her’s is mild, but can get worse when around allergens and cold weather.

Forrest has some form of an animal allergy. We aren’t sure if it’s all animals, but he is definitely allergic to dogs. It seems his DNA decided to go another direction and gave him Autism instead of Asthma.

Lauralei was breastfed for 14 months. I tried my damnedest to make sure she didn’t develop Asthma and I am so angry that it didn’t turn out that way. She is the sickest child of the three of them. Always developing colds. Every time she gets a cold she gets extremely sick and has to use the Nebulizer for a week. Regular Asthma drugs like Albuterol do nothing, so she needs it combined with a steroid inside the Nebulizer. She has been sick so many times this year I have lost count. When she is around ANY animal dander she gets a cold, which in turn develops into her respiratory infection.

Matt’s family doesn’t seem to understand. We have gone to many of their family events through the years and most of us come away feeling awful. Wheezing for days (sometimes more than a week for Lauralei and I) and feeling like someone has squeezed our lungs with a vise. It isn’t fun to feel that way for a long time.

So just recently I have decided to forgo every single event in the future at his dad’s house (his dad owned a dog for years and the dander is EVERYWHERE even though the animal is gone) and possibly only go to his Granny’s twice a year. His grandma doesn’t own pets, but most all of his family members do.

Can you believe it only takes a little bit of dander on someone’s clothing to make us sick? You probably don’t, because you don’t have Asthma or allergies to animal dander.

It’s not fair to live like this and make the kid’s lives miserable by not letting them go to friend’s houses that have pets, but it’s life. It’s our life. And I know I may sound like an overbearing parent, but I want my kids to be able to breathe well and not feel terrible.

Matt’s dad invited us over for dinner at his house this Sunday. The last time we went, Lauralei got very sick. It took me a week to recover. He has been putting new flooring down and the dog is gone. But his father doesn’t clean. The house is always dirty. I can guarantee there is dander lying around. So we aren’t going. It upsets Matt a little and I understand where he is coming from. It’s his family…but this is MY family and I need to protect them. So I am finally taking responsibility for their health.

So if his family doesn’t like it, then they can all just kiss my ass. I am literally SICK and tired of their ignorance.

My leg and foot are feeling a lot better than they were. It still swells when I put it down or have to get up, but for the most part, it’s progressing. I took a lot of Percocet the first few days. Now I’m down to one. I don’t like the side effects. Makes me wonder why anyone would want to take these on purpose. They take away the pain but I certainly don’t have a euphoric high.

Next Monday I get to see the doctor again. He’ll probably take my stitches out if the wound looks good. I may be getting a cast too. Hopefully whatever happens is for the best. I’m tired of all this bad luck.

Speaking of, our oven died. The stove works, but the oven doesn’t cook food well. And we just bought it last year. We didn’t fill out the registration or warranty forms. Bad idea. Yeah, don’t ever do that.

I’ve been working on my MySpace page and I think it looks nice. I need to get an avatar up. I want one of my Barbie on the pole business card holder I own, but haven’t had a chance to take a picture. That is another thing I’ve been slacking on. Pictures. I have so many from the beginning of the year to now, just sitting in my cameras. I need to update my Flickr.

It sucks not being able to do anything. I miss cleaning and I miss cooking. I miss being able to tuck my baby girl into bed and sing her good night. I miss helping out with the kids.

Matt has a short fuse and yells a lot. This angers me because yeah, I yell some, but not like that. He needs to have more patience with them. I’ve told him this a few times and he says he knows, but he doesn’t understand. I swear I married my father. Great job Mary.

So the marriage is rocky, we are way in over our head with bills, I’m handicapped, the oven is broke, my business is postponed until I heal, Leilani needs braces, the kids need clothes and school supplies, yadda yadda yadda.

I’m really hoping a bit of luck runs our way soon. Thinking about our run of bad, exhausts me.

I went and fell down the stairs again. This time I didn’t walk away with a screwed up tailbone. No, I actually broke a bone in my left leg. I am so talented!

I was walking down the stairs towards the front door and Leilani and her purse were sitting there. My foot went into her purse’s handle and I tried kicking it off while walking (don’t ever do what I did). Well instead of catching the next step with my foot, I sorta flew forward and onto the landing, missing those last 2 steps entirely. I landed right on my stomach which in turn knocked the wind out of me. My left AND right leg were crumpled underneath me. I felt something in my left leg snap and the pain was enormous. At that point I either went into shock or I was fainting, because the world was going bye bye. Matt was there at my side immediately and freaking out. Told me to stay with him and yadda yadda yadda.

I needed water so I asked for it and they brought me a water bottle. I drank and breathed and tried to stay afloat in the world. I was scared that I was dying, which now is silly, but when you go through something like that you aren’t thinking rationally. It took me 15 minutes to come back into reality. Thats when I knew I couldnt get up. So Matt helped me hobble over to the couch and that’s where I laid for an hour until we went to the Emergency Room with all 3 kids in tow.

I had x-rays and was told I’d be getting a half-cast because my Fibula looked broken. They said next week (which is this week now) I should call the Orthopedic Surgery whose name they would give me, and schedule an appointment for a more permanent solution.

So today is Monday and its been a hell of a weekend.

I wish I had lost tons of weight before I broke my leg. Because hauling 220 pounds of fat and muscle around is extremely taxing.

I’m too afraid to try hopping up and down the stairs with my crutches because I’ve already fallen once. And that HURT. I had to put weight on my left leg in order to not fall completely over and I felt something move around. Eek!

To go up the stairs I haul my ass up, each step. It takes me 10 to 13 minutes. Maybe more. To go down the stairs I slide down. That goes a lot faster. Yesterday I went downstairs so I could hang out with the family until Matt left for work. It was great until I had to come back. So I vowed last night that I would stay right where I am for the rest of the day. In bed. Even though it hurts my tailbone so much.

I’ve put Leilani and Forrest to work a lot. They are pretty good about it but do get tired of doing everything. Yesterday Matt had to work but he didn’t want to leave me alone. I tried calling some friends over, but they were too busy. Have lives of their own and problems of their own and I understand that.

I was worried that he’d have to come home because it was getting tough with Lauralei escaping every second out of the living room, but we made it to 7 and he got home. Sundays he earns overtime. And goodness knows we need all the money we can get right now because of the huge hospitals bills we’ll be getting. I don’t have insurance. So all of this REALLY sucks right now.

I’ve been complaining a lot and I shouldn’t. I need to just suck it up and be thankful that I will still be able to walk when this is over. I still have both legs. My right leg is ok, which is my most needed leg. And nothing else is broken.

I’m just sad I guess. Its hard NOT to be sad when you are stuck in a bed or on a couch all day long and you can’t do anything, except get up and go to the bathroom. I can’t cook meals for the kids or take care of them and I can’t clean my house. I can’t do my Pole Dancing job. I can’t practice for the half-marathon I was going to do in August. So yeah, I’m sad right now. But I’ll get over it in due time. I think things will be a lot better after I get whatever I’m going to get from this Orthopedic doc and he tells me just how long its going to be until I can get it off. I was losing weight and everything and this is a HUGE setback. But I am going to try my hardest to continue to eat right.

And hopefully we don’t have to file for bankruptcy. I’m scared that this injury is going to cost us all that we have. I don’t believe in anything, but it would be nice if some tiny miracle could occur right now.

Matt set me up with my own checking account and I have a credit/debit card. I love it because it’s making me more accountable for my spending. Normally if I were to buy something I’d swipe a random credit card in my wallet (we have way too many) and never worry about where the money came from or how much I spent. But now that I know exactly how much I have in my account, I’m more cautious.

I feel so independent now!

Last week I signed up a new recruit. So now I can say I have a “downline”! If she becomes active this month (by having a party), I will move up to Bronze!!! I am really excited about that, so I’m trying to help her with whatever she needs. I can’t believe I’ve moved along so fast! My upline just moved up to Bronze and she has been doing Brown Bag for a year!

Yesterday Forrest and I finally had some together time. I bought him a hot chocolate, a book at Barnes & Noble he’d been wanting, and a flannel sheets set at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I can’t explain how nice it feels to be able to buy whatever I want for the kids and NOT feel guilty later for buying it. Matt did try to stop me by giving me a lecture on how the kids didn’t need new sheets and that I should buy them at Walmart because they would be cheaper (and crappier quality duh).

Next time I’m not going to tell him my plans. It’s my money and I earned it.

Please do not discuss politics with my 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son. Especially when I am not around!

They do not need to hear your opinions on ANY issues or candidates.

THEY ARE CHILDREN! LEAVE THEM ALONE!

On our way back home we stopped at McD’s and bought her a Happy Meal. She usually never eats them but we thought we’d try. She hadn’t had lunch and had thrown up breakfast so she was starving. But when we got home and fed her some more, she did it again. And once more she did that not breathing thing. Matt grabbed her out of the high chair and leaned her forward on his lap so she wouldn’t choke on the vomit. All those french fries she ate came right out.

She was a mess so I took her upstairs and gave her a quick bath. Then I put her over my shoulder and sang her to sleep. She’s still asleep, so I’ll be checking on her in a few. So far she hasn’t shown any signs of an allergic reactio and there is no fever or hives, so we are ok. I sure hate immunizations and if I didn’t have to give them, I wouldn’t. They make me paranoid as hell.

I asked the nurse at the clinic if there were anymore to get after age 10 (for Leilani) and she said 2 more and added that I may want to give her the new one for young women – the HPV vaccine – but I told her I wasn’t so sure. Its too new for me to trust something like that. I don’t care what any doctor tells me either (I have a hard enough time trusting doctors as it is, because I’ve seen what they have put my mom through – probably for a quick buck). 20 years from now they might say it causes cancer instead of preventing it. You just never know and I’m not willing to take chances with something so new.

At this very moment Lauralei is taking a nap. A nap I just put her down for. A nap that she needs because if she doesn’t nap, she will get up at least 3 times needing something. And when that happens its a domino effect. I get no sleep. I get crazy angry at everyone in the house. I don’t do anything. I get depressed.

And right about now the neighbor boys are running up and down the stairs and a stupid dog is barking. I swear if those people don’t shut that damn dog up I will go outside and hunt it down myself! TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!

Last night I laid her down on the bed with me and tried to get her to sleep since nothing else worked. She cried and whined and tried to rollover some more and all I could do was cringe and hope she’d fall asleep. I held her arms down at one point and then held her legs down later on. Finally about an hour into the crying she started to give up and I fell asleep. She was a bit fidgety into the night but settled back down after I stroked her hair. At 7:00 this morning she woke up. I got 6 hours of sleep. Maybe. It was off and on.

Today I’m going to start breaking her of the habit of me. I tried it a month ago and couldn’t handle the crying because it broke my heart. But I need a life. I have none during the day. I turn our living room into a little enclosed area, with the couch and table blocking one side and her playpen blocking the other. And then she sits and plays on the floor and we watch tv and I sometimes will surf the net, but for the most part my computer will just sit there while I tend to the princess. My laundry has been sitting on my couch for 3 days now. My kitchen is a mess. Leilani’s birthday project sits in a drawer.

Then yesterday I get my last writing assignment back from the writing school. My instructor tells me its not good enough and wants me to re-write it! Its due May 24! WTF!? And here I thought I would be receiving my diploma so I wouldn’t have to deal with the pressure of deadlines and what not. I just want it so I can write when I have the time (which right now is NEVER) and send out magazine submissions later on. I’m so upset that she didn’t give me my diploma. I wanted to be done with it. I’ve been with the school since July 2005.

Matthew forgot to print out the pole business contract last night and so the manager of the company called and emailed me. I didn’t answer either, because I didn’t know when we’d get it faxed back to her. She’s a bit impatient to get her money and that pisses me off. I have a high maintenance baby, a special needs kid, and a drama queen soon-t0-be-teen, and I don’t need anymore shit from anyone!

I joined a weight loss challenge one of my friends started. Each person puts $100 into the pot and the winner takes all. Well, I didn’t know that she wouldn’t weigh us all personally. And then I didn’t know several people would live out of state. So I don’t trust anyone. Then to top it all off, on weigh-in day everyone loses 5 to 6 lbs and I am left with only a 2 lb loss. I feel like a loser and I now feel like I’m expected to lose each week, so I want out and I’m going to email her this morning and tell her. I hope she says its ok. I don’t want to waste $100 on something I’m not even going to try for. I will lose weight on my own time, when I have more willpower and more focus, which I don’t have any of right now.

I ‘m really looking forward to getting out tonight and walking. I don’t care if there is snow on the ground. I need to get away from my kids.

Since I was peeved that she didn’t check out Snopes first, I emailed her back and told her that she should always check there first before sending any forwards, just to be safe. Well…she never wrote back. And, she stopped sending me forwards. For good. In fact, I think she may be ignoring me! And its so damn funny.

My grandma is a miserable, racist, whiny, brat – so I am really glad she isn’t going to forward me crap anymore. I have always disliked that woman. She is probably the reason my dad turned out the way he is. I honestly don’t know how my other two uncles turned out more decent.

(Sorry for the rant, but I had to get it out!)

“That Obama, did you know that he doesn’t wear a flag pin, or put his hand over his heart during the pledge of allegiance?”

“You know he’s Muslim right?”

“It’s a way of life, not just a religion.”

“I’m voting for Huckabee.”

“Global warming isn’t real. It’s just something that keeps happening over and over again. Did you know they discovered some palm trees up in Fairbanks, under the ground?”

…WTF!?

How in the hell did my husband grow up so open-minded and somewhat liberal (can’t say he is a LOT liberal, because he still is very conservative on some issues, though I wish he weren’t…) being raised by these people!? His brothers are just as brainwashed. And does anybody read SNOPES!? HELLO!