As for life, its busy. I have a party this week, followed by another next week. Then another on the 24th. In between that, we will be celebrating Leilani’s 11th birthday. Then comes May when chaos ensues. I’ll be having a birthday, Lauralei will be turning 2, I have 3 parties, and then school is out. Whew!

I do hope that my parties won’t burn out over the summer. I’m having so much fun teaching the pole parties. And I’m still learning the ropes of how to do this business.

There isn’t much more to tell…

I did audition for Alaska’s Got Talent which was just an audition for America’s Got Talent. Nobody called me, so I assume I’m not what they are seeking. I think I did a decent job, but oh well. Their loss right?

It was nice having Leilani watch me. None of the kids had ever been to an audition before. She calmed me. She stood right behind the camera man, so when I got nervous I looked at her and all was right with the world. Looking at her even helped me remember the words! I love that kid. Even if she does drive me insane with her constant chatter.

My X-POLE should be arriving tomorrow (I hope!). I ordered it because though I love my Lil Mynx Pole, I needed something less invasive to put under people’s ceilings. Already I scraped the paint off of a friend’s ceiling and I don’t want that to happen again, or worse. Its portable, but I don’t think its as ceiling friendly as the X-POLE. And the X-POLE spins too!

I made Bronze last month with Brown Bag. I reached over $500 in sales and had one rep under me. Now I have 2. My goal is to reach Gold in the next few months (that requires 5 reps under me). But ultimate goal is to reach Executive by next year (which requires 10 reps). That would be awesome! And I’ll be making a lot more money. I can see myself staying at that level for a long time…

What I really want to do is…Get good at it. Learn advanced moves. Be fit. Then someday buy a retail space and turn it into a pole studio…and if I don’t get there, I can always work as a teacher at one, so I guess its not a total loss. I know I’m dreaming…and when I dream, I dream big. But who doesn’t?

The next topic of course, was the kicker. It’s commission. Not hourly like I had believed. If I sell this many cans of their product (which by the way tastes like shit – I’ve tried it before) then I get this much money. Or if I sell this book of theirs (which by the way I read and it’s a diet…) I get this much money.

I walked away from the interview feeling really depressed because I wanted this job. But I don’t want to be paid by how well I do as a salesperson and who’s to know what would happen at the next meeting, during prayer, if I stood there and didn’t bow my head? I’m sure nothing would come of it, but sometimes I feel paranoid other people will treat me differently (badly) if they know I don’t believe in God.

I decided that I’m going to put off trying to get a job until school begins. The teachers in the Anchorage School District may go on strike. They were going to do it last year when they failed to come up with a new contract, but decided not to. Now, it looks like they may strike because they still haven’t come to an agreement. If that’s the case, who knows how long school will be out of session. They had a strike about 11 years ago when I was in high school. Of course I thought it was the coolest thing in the world! All my friends and I had fun on those days off, but now that I’m a parent, it is so not cool.

Malinda and I did go sing karaoke last night. And we did have a lot of fun. (And don’t I just love italics!)

Eddie P was absolutely shocked I was here in Alaska! The look on his face was genuine. I was happy to see him as well. I swear that man does not age! He looked the same as he did 3 years ago, which was the last time I saw him.

We hugged and I told him a little about why we came back. He told me I look fabulous in the way that only he can and made me blush.

I sang so many songs! I’m going to have to go there more often. Now I’m really hoping the smoking ban passes. Fortunately the bar has a wonderful ventilation system in case it doesn’t. I hardly noticed the smoke and a miracle this morning – my lungs feel ok! I can actually breathe and I’m not wheezing.

One of the women there turned into my biggest fan. Hooting and praising me. She got up on stage after I sang once and said “Career! Broadway! Money!” I just laughed and mouthed thank you to her. Sometimes I don’t know what to say when people load me up with compliments. I do love it though. Singing is the only time I feel like I’m somebody.

I think next time I go, I’m going to bring my digital camera. I want someone to record me singing “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee”, because I performed it for the first time last night and it was a hit. I have never had so much fun acting like that. To be honest, I was kinda shocked I did it! I was scared to death. I’ll post that future video here. Wouldn’t that be interesting?

After the bar, we headed to Village Inn. I had breakfast. Man, I was so tired I felt like I was going to fall asleep in my seat, but after a few bites of food my body woke up. I saved most of what I had and am eating it right now. Today we need to buy the kid’s school clothes and find a hutch somewhere. It’s a laid back rainy day – but a good one nonetheless.

Right now I’m forcing down a PB&J sandwich. Whenever I feel nervous, I don’t feel like eating. I feel like I do right before a singing competition. Oh and tonight I am going to be singing. Mbwillow and I are headed to the gay bar. Eddie P works there now (he’s a local celebrity I’ve mentioned in past entries). It’s a little later starting time than I’m used to (10pm), but I think we’re going to have a lot of fun. After my interview I’ll need to figure out what songs I’ll be singing. It will be so good to get out.

My shirt did some shocking as well. The cleavage was out there for all willing eyes to go where most men have not gone before. Or ladies for that matter. It was the first time I had actually ever worn anything showing off such mountainous flesh. I have been a deprived woman. Poor pitiful me. But last night I redeemed myself to the world. And boy did I have a blast! I actually did a shot of Tokillya and it wasn’t that bad. It burned slightly, but tasted pretty good after I stuck that lime in my mouth.

I didn’t get to sing much. Only two songs. The first wasn’t that good and honestly the second wasn’t much better. I think the bar’s sound system sucks. I couldn’t hear myself at all. I sang “We Are Family” and “Chain Of Fools” which has become sort of my signature song – besides En Vogue’s “Givin’ Him Something He Can Feel”, but they didn’t have that one, so I had to compromise.

You only turn 29 once. I can’t imagine what next year will be like. The gears in my head are already in motion.

Big Bitch Mitch is holding another vocal competition this year during Fur Rondy. I’ve thought about it a lot and I’m still unsure if I want to sing. It’s been months since I’ve actually sung in front of an audience. My voice needs a lot of practice and I need to sing in front of more people before I make a decision like this. I don’t even know what I would sing.

I have decided I will never sing another ballad. For some reason this decreases my chances of winning. I notice the only people who tend to win with ballads are skinny teenagers. Of course I think back to all the times I have ever competed and I remember the last two times I had a cold and the times before that I was really fat. I know that being fat has a lot to do with people’s decisions when it comes to judging a singing competition.

I have a lot of weight to lose. More so than last month. I have become almost a failure at dieting. Last night I ate so much that I actually felt sick to my stomach. I thought I was going to lose my dinner at 2 am. After taking a Tums I felt much better, but decided that for breakfast I would fast. Instead I drank a Cinnamon Dolce Latte from Starbucks. For lunch I had half a luncheon meat and cheese sandwich on wheat bread with some cottage cheese and cherry tomatoes. And. I’m starving.

I read an article on Yahoo today about how mini-strokes are now being considered as dangerous as full blown strokes. Thinking about how much weight I’ve gained in the last few months and knowing about my mom’s condition, I will have to lose this weight. Even if it calls for desperate measures like feeling starved or walking on the treadmill until my toes bleed. I’m sad its come this far, but pleased with myself for waking up and taking notice (for what, the billionth time?). It wasn’t just my belly screaming from the pain induced by my too-tight jeans. It was me, looking in the mirror and realizing ‘what the fuck happened to me’?

Sorry if it disgusts anyone, actually no, I’m not sorry. Its my opinion! Doh!

I was bummed to hear Green Day took only 1 award home. I’ve been a fan of theirs forever and though it doesn’t hurt their feelings much (from what I’ve read they are pretty humble guys) I think they deserved it.

Alicia Keys…well I’m just sick of her already. She is mighty talented and I love her voice, but just like every person who wins too many awards – please let someone else have a chance.

I don’t know much about Usher so I can’t say much. Yes I can. I think he has a big head.

Kanye West – never even heard his songs…but he seems like an egotistical jerk. (Did you read about how upset he got last year when Gretchen Wilson walked away with an AMA for Breakthrough Artist? He threw a tantrum!) I read that he had a “less than pleased” look on his face when Maroon 5 was accepting their award. At least he got 3! Asshole!

And I want to be a part of this high school drama? I mean I used to want to be famous and get lots of money and live in a mansion, but I’m 27 already and most likely too old to ever be “discovered”. At the same time all I see is lives ruined by the media, divorce up the ying-yang and people who are petty and vain. I don’t know if thats the kind of life I’d want. I like it the way it is now, with anonymity.

Well anyway, my point – Ray Charles is dead. New artists come out every five milliseconds. Please give them a chance for once instead of dead people or those that have a special room for all their sparkly awards.

American Idol is losing its grip. They keep showing the same crap over and over again and its tiring. I’m sick of seeing Simon say a woman is fat and then they show another woman get through to Hollywood who is ten times bigger! Or Ruben winning? Remember him? If you can….

This stupid show is supposed to be about talent! Singing people! Not what they look like. Look at Clay! he is a success story. My first initial thought when I saw him on tv was that he was a dork, but man that boy could sing! And I think he is more successful than Kelly. If they could just make the show honest and not give a rats ass about ratings, there would be potential for AI to be the #1 show on Fox. And I can guarantee you that you’d be shown decent singers being turned away (who would at least get their 5 minutes of fame on tv), instead of people who were led to believe that they had talent.

I guess I’m irked because now I know why they send those people in. I had front row seats to some of the worst singers at the auditions who were politely handed a slip of paper and sent on their way. I do have to say that I feel bad for them. These people don’t have a clue that they are awful singers, though some of them should. If a producer would have sent me into round 2 and 3 while telling me that I’m a wonderful singer (only to be putting me through because I would be entertaining for America) I would think that he’s telling the truth.

A lot of last night’s fiasco was staged. It seems the more I watch reality tv, the less I believe. There probably will never be a reality show that is real, much less one based on finding talented singers. We don’t need anymore reality shows anyway, but they will keep coming whether we like it or not.

So yesterday they showed Washington and tonight will be St. Louis. Orlando will probably be shown next week. Thats the one I’m dying to see. AI is screwing with my shcedule now. I missed Scrubs and tonight I have to choose between AI or Lost.

A thought before I go. The girl who pawned her wedding ring to get on American Idol? LOSER! You don’t pawn your fucking wedding ring to get on a damn reality show woman! She had a choice between her karaoke machine and her wedding ring. Hmmm. It has to be a damn good machine if she is unwilling to part with it. That or she doesn’t give a crap about her marriage. Her husband was there, while she was in with the judges. Simon told her to bring him in and see what he thought. That part I didn’t quite understand. It was like asking daddy for permission. That might have been Simon’s point though seeing that she made such an unresponsible decision to get there in the first place.

Her husband said he knew it was her dream and yadda yadda yadda, so they let her go to Hollywood. Simon by the way, didn’t think she was that good. And neither do I.

Her sob story is posted all over the AI forums and it just pisses me off. She already has a few “fans” because of her story and NOT her talent. I guess thats how reality tv works. Make enough people feel sorry for you and hey – instant celeb! Maybe this singing shit ain’t for me afterall.

Anyway, from left to right now: Deanna – who I didn’t really talk to, Bobbi – who made me laugh and brightened my spirits, Dezi who is a great singer and kept telling me that I was very sweet (I can’t say much more about him for legal reasons except that he’s listed here *cough*), Sarah – she was such a sweetheart and I wish she lived here, Me – in the back being a loner or a rebel (you choose) sitting in my chair with my favorite squishy pillow, Kristin – who picked me up at my mom’s apartment and brought me to the auditions and last, I think her name is Melissa. She stayed with Kristin I believe and rode in the car with her and I. Taking the picture is Elise. She didn’t hang out with us very often and I didn’t talk to her at all, but I am very glad she has these pictures on her site, because I only took a few and none included our group.

Here’s another picture of us with Elise in it. I look like a dork.

There are several other pictures on her site of more people that were in the group, but I don’t remember their names, so I’m not linking to it. Feel free to browse her site and look for yourself if you must.